Bumper Sticker Ramblings...
Dyslexics Of The World -
Untie!
I Have The Body Of A
God......Buddha
This Would Be Really
Funny If
It Weren't Happening To Me
Blessings
My wife invited some
people
to dinner. At the table, she turned to our
six-year-old daughter and
said,
"Would you like to say the blessing?"
I wouldn't know what to
say,"
she replied. "Just say what you hear
Mommy say," my wife said.
Our
daughter bowed her head and said:
"Dear Lord, why on earth
did
I invite all these people to dinner?"
These are (apparently)
real answering
machine messages...
------------------
Greetings, you have
reached
the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you
want,
so, at the sound of the tone, please hang up.
------------------
(Recorded directly from
AT&T:)
We're sorry, but the number you dialed is disconnected or no longer in
service. The number you have reached, 226-0477, has been
changed.
The new number is 226-0477. Please make a note of it.
-------------------
This is not an
answering
machine - this is a telepathic
thought-recording device.
After
the tone, think about your
name, your number, and
your
reason for calling.... and I'll
think about returning your
call.
The Year's Best
Actual
News Headlines
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Miners
Refuse
to Work After Death
Local
High
School Dropouts Cut in Half
Typhoon
Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Include
Your Children when Baking Cookies
Police
Begin
Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Drunk
Gets
Nine Months in Violin Case
Prostitutes
Appeal to Pope
Panda
Mating
Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Teachers
Strike Idle Kids
Clinton
Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Juvenile
Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Stolen
Painting
Found by Tree
Two
Sisters
Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter
Never
Withhold
Herpes Infection from Loved One
If
Strike
Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Cold
Wave
Linked to Temperatures
Deer
Kill
17,000
Enfields
Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red
Tape
Holds Up New Bridges
Man
Struck
By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New
Study
of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut
Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Hospitals
are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Shakespeare's
Pizza - Free Chopsticks
A Woman went to the
Post Office
to buy stamps for her Christmas
cards."What Denomination?"
Asked
the clerk. "Oh, good heavens!
Have we come to this?"
said
the woman. "Well, give me 50 Baptist
and 50 Catholic ones."
Over the massive front
doors
of a church, these words were
inscribed: "The Gate of
Heaven."
Below that was a small
cardboard sign which read:
"Please
use other entrance."
Life's Little Instructions
On a bar of Dial
soap, it
says,
Directions:
Use like regular soap.
ON PACKAGING FOR A
ROWENTA
IRON
-
Do not Iron clothes on body
ON A KOREAN KITCHEN
KNIFE
-
Warning keep out of children
ON A STRING OF
CHINESE MADE
CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
- For indoor or outdoor
use
only.